you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
