I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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