Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
