Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
