you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
