if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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