I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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