I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize