Cold hands, warm shart.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
