I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
my liver is dry heaving
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
