in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
