Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
