the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
