so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
