We named our party play list daddy issues
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize