Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
