bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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