the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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