Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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