I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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