I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
this boner is exhausting
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
