Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
