I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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