Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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