You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
