You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
