I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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