Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize