I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
