porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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