My hand turned me down
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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