Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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