But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
