just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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