i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
