I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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