babies were throwing up all over the place
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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