mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize