I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
