My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
