my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize