i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
