I'm going to rape someone's good day.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
