Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
