I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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