margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
