i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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