Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize