Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
