I need help removing her.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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