remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
