Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize