i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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