Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
