lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
