I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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