I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize