I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
