You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
