just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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