Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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