I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
