I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize